So Much for My Happy Ending
11th Dec 2006 (Mon)
I confessed today. It seemed like an awkward time but the tone of the sms conversation at that time seemed right. I was driving and stopped in front of a traffic light. I grabbed my cell phone and typed it out. I suddenly felt happy and satisfied that I finally had the courage to do so. Not such a coward anyway, am I? =p
She was shocked and didn’t know what to say. I was still happy cause she neither reject nor accept. But then, a devastating sms followed. She said she lets just be friends and she didn’t have feelings for me. She kindly rejected me and seemed to be apologetic but I don’t blame her. We could still be friends.
I was ok, well at least I thought I was. It was hard for me to cry. Even the most touching movie couldn’t make my tears roll down. But this…this rejection could. Tears started collecting in my eyes and I feel like crying. I tried my best to stop it as I didn’t want to cry in the car with my parents and my sister busy looking for directions to the hotel. I seriously felt like hugging my sister and crying it out loud but I didn’t. It would be inappropriate. Hence, I cried softly and alone in the car.
‘So sad. So sad. It was a sad sad situation.’
All the things that I’ve done seemed to fall down the drain. Nothing seemed to interest me at that moment. Not a very good start for a vacation, wasn’t it? Coincidently, our room number was 404. After having lunch, I laid down on the bed while the rest were happily watching ‘Wedding’…and began crying again..alone..It was painful.
(Moment of silence)
I’ve gone through many emotions during this period of time. This was my first time falling in love seriously. This was my first time confessing. This was my first time facing rejection. I would certainly need time to get over it. Gosh, it’s gonna be difficult. I’ve piled up so much hope. But… how wrong I was.
Call me stupid. Call me insane. But I’ve confessed and got rejected. There is no turning back. I’m going to stand up again.
To all who gave their comments, advice, and support, I couldn’t thank you all enough. You all made it a memorable experience for me. You all are the more reason I should be happy. No doubt, it didn’t have a positive turnout but I’ve experienced something new: that kind of happiness, that kind of excitement, that kind of sadness...
Thank you all. Thank you.
The pain will remain for God knows how long but I believe it will soon go away someday.
(Guess happy ending doesn't belong to me this time...or..is this not the ending?)
posted by syyeam @ 12/13/2006 12:23:00 AM
37 Comments:
I'm sorry...
hey it's ok..u're not to be blame..We're still frens =)
dude, i admire ur courage. but i warned u..hope u're ok..
n i feel sad 4 u too..
oh yeam..
you're such a nice guy i'm sure you'll find a loving lady - a girl who you truly love and whose feelings for you are mutual.
Shin Yau, I don't really know what to say to make you feel better. But all I want to tell you is that I really admire your courage in telling her how you feel about her. It didn't work out, yes, but at least you tried... and that is what really matters.
A friend once told me his experience of confessing to the girl he likes. He got rejected in the end, but he said there was this feeling of relief that he felt after that. It was like he had finally let go of one heavy burden that he had carried all this while. I'm not sure if it's the same for you, but I can tell that later on in life when you look back to what happened today, you will have no regrets because you actually tried. If you didn't confess, you would have to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been if you did (like me). It hurts more this way.
You're one of the best guys I know. I'm sure someday you'll find happiness with the one girl who's meant for you. Cry all you want but after that it's time to stand back up again =)
bro.. disebabkan kita bukan mahram and we are not of the same gender.. @DIK xleh le tepuk blakang, kesat air mata, peluk etc (anything that i'll do to comfort my brothers). what i can do is.. bersabar lah banyak2 ye..
like my aunt said to me:rezeki kita mungkin x kat situ, mungkin kat tempat lain. agree wit khirule.
p/s:
hope u don mind this childish advice of mine.
senyum.. ^_____________________^
I'm sure you won't sink beneath your anguish. Battle on and move on with life.
..at least you will have no regrets when you look back in the future.
To anonymous,
Thanks =) i'm kinda ok now.
To Khirulez,
Thanks, Khirul. I'll be waiting for that moment. I believe it will come someday.
To Amanda,
Thanks, Amanda. What u mentioned helped. At least, I can look back and told myself that I've tried. How bout u? Why didn't u try?
To Adik,
Haha..of course I don't mind, as long as your intention is good. Yeah..perhaps it wasn't my 'rezeki'.
To Nooi Hoay,
Thanks a lot =)
I didn't know how much I sank but I did sink. Now, I'm back at the surface but unsure when i'll reach the shore.
To Amanda,
Oh ya. My situation has a bit of difference compared to ur fren's. To me, it wasn't like a heavy burden. I take it as a nice feeling that I will cherish forever =)
Hey shin yau,
dun feel sad bout dis k?I understand how sad n how hurt u felt... THough it's hurt, be proud of ur courage(many guys dun hav dat!! hehe=p)! Although still remain frenz,yet it doesnt mean u fail,it doesnt mean u r weak~ be strong or i will say do not give up...Perhaps one day ur efforts will be paid after all!
Nvr feel said devastated coz of a rejection...Perhaps u should see stg on a brighter side...U r the nicest guy i hav ever known, so i bliff one day u will find ur true love!
Hope my words could give u some supports & encouragement!Look forward for your smiling face again~ Cheers*
To Yi Chin,
Gosh, thanks a lot Yi Chin. Your comment did make me smile.
I did a lot of thinking after being rejected and wondered, "Are gals not looking for nice guys already this days? Instead, are they looking for guys of other more interesting characteristics?
oh..but then again, it's just me, thinking too much.
Thanks again, Yi Chin. c u again =) (trust me, I will surely smile!)
as there're many flavours of ice cream, there're many types of gals. i'm sure there'll be one special gal tat likes mr nice guy. as there's one spc ice cream u muz really like a lot.
so juz keep being who u r, and be honest to ur feelings!
u didnt do ath wrong, so keep ur head up and work it out!
:P
I didn't because I could not =)
And I don't think that girls nowadays are not looking for nice guys but guys with more interesting characteristics. Well, at least to me, it doesn't work that way. It all depends on one little but magical thing we call feeling =p You don't fall for a person because that person has a certain something. You just fall and most of the time, you don't really know why =p
Plus, what's interesting varies from one person to another. So, it's not always "bad" guys who are interesting =p Actually everyone is interesting if we care to get to know them well enough =)
Aiks, I'm being "long breath" again xp Hope you don't mind, haha.
well,well,well...
Gals alwiz looks for nice guys...Howver, I agree with Amanda, that v depends on this magical thing called feeling..hehe When there is this feeling,or what we call power of love, we dun really care how interesting characteristic or how outstanding the academic result of others...LOve someone got no reason and perhaps Love makes u happy after all!
HA...I hav been crapping alotz..hehe=p
Hope u recover n b happy again!
Geez.
This comment site is turning into a how-to-find-a-perfect-match forum! :P
Amanda and Yi Chin sound so professional!
Anyway Yeam, way to go! At least you've the courage to do so! :)
Don't worry. You're such a great fella. Somebody will fall for you eventually.
Trust me!
And have more faith in yourself!
Time to update a your blog with a happier post! :P
dear yeam, stay strong kay? to have the courage to confess is already an achievement in itself..you're such a nice person, one day definitely you'll get the right girl..it's just a matter of time..so till then, don't give up o! *hugs*
here's to your happiness for now and the future..cheers!
To Yee Hong,
Thanks, roomie!!Great anology!
I'll continue being who I am and hope i'll meet that 'ice-cream' someday. For now, I plan to take a rest, recuperate and not to take in anymore ice-cream.
To Amanda,
U couldn't?hm..nothing can stop Amanda if she wants to do sth except for herself, I believe.
Oh ya..u're not being 'cheong hei'. Haha..u're just sharing and I appreciate it. I agree. Everyone's
special and interesting.
Thanks a lot, Amanda =)
To Yi Chin,
Haha..like Amanda, u're not crapping and merely wanna share =)
Thanks a lot, Yi Chin.
To both Amanda and Yi Chin,
Yeah, Love is always about that magical thing. And it must be mutual. Ming keong mou han fok =)
Feeling is a strong thing, isn't it? Because of it, we disregard the weaknesses of the special one. But then again,it is also a beautiful and natural thing =)
To Sze Huey,
Haha..i couldn't agree more. they do sound like professionals.
Thanks, Sze Huey. Yeah, at least i've tried. I trust u!
*wink*
Haha..alright. I'll take ur advice. I promise the next post won't be a sad one =)
To Quanyie,
sob sob..thanks a lot Quanyie. I will stay strong and try again. =)
Kan Pei =)
Hello Shin Yau,
Just stumbled upon your blog, and was shocked to hear. But anyway, take heart. Bunga bukan sekuntum, kumbang bukan seekor. Andai mati dibuang sungai sekalipun, perjuangan untuk kebahagiaan tetap diteruskan.
Haha, babbling no more. All the best for your future undertakings.
Choon Wei
p/s: Is she the one we talked about that night?
Wah..Choon Wei, nice to c u here. haha..didn't know ur nick is keropok lekor. u like it a lot?
em..we talked about a few gals that day night.but do recall that one or two of the gals that u guessed were wrong. Sze Ching and Nat gav u hints along the way. I'm not sure whether u managed to guess the correct gal...hm..can't remember.
However, thanks a lot for ur support.
saya akan cari jalan balik ke tebing walaupun selepas dibuang sungai =)
No more ice-cream?! Awww... but ice-cream is so super nice! Especially red beans ice-cream!
*Just crapping* xp
Aiks, I sound like a pro? I think I read too much "Dear Thelma" and "Big Bro" =p
Haha..funny...
don't worry i'm not abandoning ice-cream forever =p
Stay strong. :)
ermm...geez i dun really know wat to say....i applaud ur courage, though...it's sumthing not that easy to do...
mourn if u want, but like the others here have said, u have to stand back up again after the mourning....
cheer up!!! smile!=)
I wonder who is the girl? That would the gossip of the year man... The best student in INTEC who......
Neh just kidding
everybody said courage.... haiz... ya courage.... but I won't advise you about that. I would say learn from mistakes. not actually mistakes but.... how to say ya? It's not mistakes to love someone or u confess to someone but it is about .... the technique... sometimes things cannot rush.. sometimes..... you need to observe... sometimes you.. need to .... be patient, sometimes you need to be aggressive, sometimes all you need to do is just a "kiss" and all gives the signal.. Lolz... u never believe it right?
Just to be nuetral and not to be berpihak to anyone, sometimes you can also stand on the opposite gender side... and see.. then you will know.... the answer.... That's what call kik sau... hhehehehe so kik...
I would say ya... that's not a happy ending, never a happy ending but a happy beginning man.... u know.... the ending word is wrongly used. inappropriate.. Beginning because u started somethings new in your life for love and something new because u started a new dimension in your life on ....... Something u learn from this relationship and will always be in your thoughts... and u know that it can be applied on others...
not much people has the ability to ... u know...
But we do learn... form all the experience...
Some just failed on many times and in the end....
I would I was the third one if you knwo me earlier... lolz.....
Good looking guy and nice inner beauty,
U have grown up... that's what I am proud of.. Do what u think is right...
I'm really sorry to read that. Stay strong though. You're a great guy. I'm sure u'll find someone else soon. :)
To Chean Yeaw,
Thanks. I'll stay strong..
To Sel,
Thank you =) I've mourned and now i've stood up again. well, maybe on fully yet but on the way.
who's this btw?
To Rhun Kiet,
wow, that is a long comment. thanks a lot =)
yeah..it's my first experience and i will definately learn from it.
long way to go for me, i would say =) yup i agree, sometimes we shouldn't rush..but as i'm new, i wouldn't be able to read what's in her mind.
To Chien Yen,
Thanks =) I'll stay strong and will climb up again. For now, no more reseaching and just some resting =)
Don't worry Yeam... I agree with what the other commenters have said, and you being YOU, there's so much more to life!! Maybe this relationship u dreamt of was not meant to be, but I'm happy to know that the two of you are still friends... At least now the burden of hiding your emotions is no longer there..
You're such a nice guy, and I'm sure one day you'd find someone who's equally as special..
Chill yeah... take care!
Thanks, Amir.
This is the first time u leave a comment in my blog if i'm not mistaken. Appreciate it.
Yeah, there much more waiting for me i'm sure.
I don't know, Amir. It'll never be the same but i'll try my best to be normal so that both of us won't feel awkward towards each other. The last thing I want is to lose her as a friend.
U take care too! =)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
AH DUH!!!! 29 comments!!! and mine is the 30th!!! WOH!!!!
Eh, siapa lebih experience than me pls stand up.. pls stand up.. :P (tengah SS la ni) =P
Hehe...At least you tried and never regret. Better than other people who keep their feelings to themselves =.="
Hmm.. itu 'sel'... must be sevvy!! haha.. later I ask her. hehe..
Eh, luckily you didn't hug me. If not Pg sure banjir one. But it won't be as teruk as the '3 days 3 night' experience. Kaka :P
Hi..nope, urs is the 31st. dunno who deleted a comment before this. Ha..it's Sevvy ah..ic..never knew..
Haha..banjir? not so yim chong kua..just enough for some one tiny ant to swim in =p moreover, compared to yours, mine is nothing. Dunno how u handled it at that time. Keng man u..my case also I very sad d what more yours..salute salute..seriously ain't easy
yeah..at least i've tried. no regrets the next time I flash back..although many things still remind me of her..
Yeam Shin Yau is as brave as Danial Ikhwan when he was rejected 2 years ago....huahuahuaha!!
-Danial-
I deleted post #30. I made a spelling mistake and I re-post it! :D
You can actually permanently delete off post #30 :)
To Danial,
Thanks, Danial. Gimme five!! =p
To Sis,
oh..it's u..i will delete if i'm hardworking enough =)
wow, lots of comments. i won't be going through them all but i'll just write, sorry if i repeated what others had said.
don't feel stupid or anything negative. this is just part of life. not everything goes perfectly well.
don't rush things. next time add more concrete and steel bars in the foundation of your building. get what i mean?
confessing through sms... not as powerful as face-to-face effect. don't repeat it unless you're really confident the next time.
shall i say, don't give up? you can try harder, but of course this is risky. if you really are in love with her, i think... can't say about it since it's your decision and life.
or else better just be good friends. hey, this is just a flower among the other flowers in the grass field. you'll find the right one for you someday.
the fact that you felt like crying (or did you?) really tells me how serious it was. sorry to hear that dude. but don't give up. there're others out there.
i don't think you should have a prob since you're so pop. but... better not to try shooting at the "blown" targets...
good luck.
p/s: no, i've read your blog a few times, but too busy to comment. sorry.
To Li Xiang,
Thanks for your comments and encouragement, Li Xiang.
Nope, i don't mind even if u repeat what others have said as long as your advices come sincerely from you. Nonetheless, u didn't repeat much.
I should give up cause she's a strong gal. Once she said she didn't have feelings for me, she really meant it. No doubt I don't wanna let go but I have to.
I am not sure what is installed for me in the future. I am not sure whether I'll find another gal who I like that much. Whatever it is, I pray that God will bless me with strength to go through it.
Thanks again, Li Xiang.
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